To be or not to be...

Thank God I posted this at last! Seriously! I've never been able to blog recently...Thanks to my assignments.
Which is why I am not able to sleep too.

And here are people yelling at me for not taking proper care of myself and trying to work too hard. Little do they know, am trying to get a proper status in my class, where there are people triple times intelligent than an a normal human being.

And here am I, looking sheepish, enjoyed my whole first year and now struggling to get my basics right. Yeah! I know I shouldn't have been short-sighted. Small basics not known could ruin your life!
Now I say...why only me?

Because, I was pretty lenient toward my studies.
Because, I never knew the real essence of success.
Because, I never tried to.

You know something? People love to be positive at every moment of my life. But what do they do when hey face something horribly negative? Gulp it down and sulk? Or take it positive again? If they do take it positively..how do they convert the feelings?
Given a chance, I'd fill up my entire blog with millions of questions. I swear...you'd turn a pessimist by the end of reading them, but to me they are answers I badly want to know. No, am not trying to be a pessimist. It's just that I have mixed feelings in my heart, mind and soul. And...sigh...wish I was like my so-called-best buddy, who doesn't even err it shows. She doesn't need to care but she's one amazing girl I met. Totally focused on her goal, doesn't miss giving any shot. As soon as you enter the college, you find a huge poster of hers, happily smiling cause she achieved something a thousand others couldn't. She stood first in the state in my first year examinations. Now what was that? See...people like that inspire me..but also kill my confidence.

At times, I wonder if all that I am studying, will help me later in life? May be...may not be.
But that hunger to see you as the best among the best...will keep you fighting till the end.

I just wish that hunger bites me and stay forever, and hope I become someone like Jahnavi..at least to make my parents proud. (err..They never knew this side of me. I hate the fact that I am hiding it from them. Am scared to face their reaction.)

And yes, hope I attain a positive approach towards life. Hope...hope...hope......what is that? Do I recognize it?

Four things I crave!