Letter to santa.

I was watching a movie on HBO in the afternoon, Dennis the menace or something. Reminded me of my 2nd class, when dad used to call me a "female dennis". Hated it when he used to nickname me. Anyway, I hit upon an idea of writing a letter to santa. Okay, I know. There's no such santa and blah blah blah. Its my belief innit(learnt it from Z! :P)? This christmas,( I feel like a six year old now. :)) I've decided to send a long list to dear santa..hope he doesn't deliver the pesents late...aah never mind!
To dear Santa,

I have always been fascinated by your existence. You are really 150 years old or your beard is a real one, I don't know. But since my childhood, I've always stared out of my bedroom's window to catch a glimpse of your rein deers and you and your bag full of presents. I love your reindeers actually, and the bells jingling, aahh..love the christmas spirit.I know, I have been a good girl and a bad girl this year, Do I have to be a good girl to ask for my presents? If not, can I get them next year? Okay never mind. But please please eat the cookies I've kept near the window.I'll make them myself, okay? Oh oh, yeah my sister wanted to drop a hello too. But this letter is entirely BY ME! Ok, may be you could drop a few presents for her too. Well, can I start my list now? Cause I don't want to forget anything. And to be honest santa, I knew it was dad who kept those presents under the tree.But, I still believe in you.You are the main reason why christmas is soo exciting. :):)
1. Please get me a new phone, not nokia though. God, Nokia is sooo irritating.I DON'T want an I-Phone.Any other phone, with a proper camera, a good design, and easy an comfortable to use. :: uhh..yeah. That's all with the phone thing.
2.Please, make me 3 more inches tall. I feel like a kid in my class. Drop some secret potion which will make me taller, stronger, sharper. (Okay! NO horlicks. I hattee horlicks.)
3.Please, drop me a nice laptop, oh no, I can have that later, okay okay drop me a nice i-pod. A proper Apple I-pod.
4. Drop me a pic of yours, your house in the north pole, and your reindeers too.( Psst can you take me there sometime?)
5. I know,all these are materialistic. But can you really give me something immaterialistic? If you can, then please please, drop soo much of love potion on my country, that you'll find love everywhere.(Didn't mean anythign gross. Think of it from an innocent kid's brain!!)
6.Please, see that the idiots of my class, yeah, they must be reading this now, do not trouble me, and let me live my life.I hate hate (ooops Did I just say the H word?? haaaaaawwww!) it when they cross limits and comment about me being weird and blah. No, let's make it easy. Let me not bother. I wanna be free from those ppl. I know they don't deserve to be talked to. :) But, aah, give them somebrains and drop a lil x-mas spirit in them too. Bah. I can't act rude too.
7.To mum,chinni,aarthi,jahnvi, disha,malu,rachana(i haven't seen her til now. but she's sweet something.:)), and all the other girls I call my pals, I couldn't have possible written your names here,but yeah,them all, please please grant them their wishes too. They are the best people I've met on earth.:)
8. To dad,rahul,shrujan,amal,shiva,pratheek,anna,varoon,and the gang, aahh...all of them too, please grant them wishes too. Amazing ppl again! :)
9.I want nice shoe too. I don't care if converse suit me or no. Hell, I WANT converse. I'll do with ballerinas too. Oh, loads of good books too.
10. Please make me responsible, loving, determined, and please please make me a nerd!! Oh..a smart nerd, :p please..please. And please see that All my wishes come true.psst: could you, could you please drop a hi to lewis hamilton too. Love his speed n him. Plz plz..ohh yeah please see that a few of my friends..you know, THEM, get normal and live happily instead of cribbing. And, I know..they are not the same once they are out of their computers. Whateva, make them normal. That's all.
Thanks a loot santa. I hope, you'll fulfill all of the above. Uhh..did I ask a lot? Please please see to it that I also achieve my dream (heheh!) after 12th. PLease please, if not all the above stuff, let my dream come true! I'l bake you more cookies the next christmas then.:)
I hope you really fulfill them.
I'll try and be as good as possible the few years. Unless, some dumb jack, or jill provokes me.
Ho ho ho ( why do you sat that by the way? What is your mother tongue actually? Why don't you stay in the south pole? What do you eat for lunch everyday? Why do you give free gifts actually?)
Merry christmas santa! love you loadss...no really, not only for the gifts,beard,or rein deers.

loots of love,Snigdha. (If you come home and find a fair, cute, doll-eyed girl, with shiny black hair, and an amazing smile, then that's my sister. Watch out! Don't drop the presents in front of her. drop them behind the tree okay?)
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I feel sick. Sick of everything around me.Hate it when I feel like this. Even after attending such workshops? Yes. Coz this feeling is one super-duper powerful one.It all started at a holy place. And ended in my shitty computer. What's the purpose? : God knows. I was always right about this one stuff!Anyway, have learnt to move on. Letting go. *DAMN!!!*
Its been a week and a half since I touched my books, oh-oh touching is not a problem, but going through.All i do is stare or text. Addiction man!
Today is dad's b'day. Happy b'day daddy! And the most weirdest part is, I was the last to wish him before the whole world did. : yep. Thanx to my laziness streak!
I argue, I criticize, I yell, I sulk,.....what's the whole point? Carrying out one thing, venting its anger over something else? I know, this post doesn't make any meaning. All I wanted is to let go of all the things iv buried deep and haven't learn to get over with. If pratheek or vijay anna would have been here, I would have had another counselling session. To escape all that, Ive decided I'll post it up here. Cause, I can bet my life, and tell you, this blog is the only place, I become my self. I cannot be myself outside. My dad expects me to be sunita williams. My mom expects me to be some prodigal kid. My sister admires me for God knows what reason!! Why do they expect so much? Am this lazy kid, who is really scared of physics, and is escaping it as easily as possible, knowing that I'll suffer later. Isn't this sadism??
Like I said. I am not ME. I am not trying to be me too. I am scared. I've lost people I loved the most. People I could talk to forever. People I've always loved to be around. And one day you wake up and realize you've messed it all! That day would come to you like a tsunami, hit you so hard, that you will dare not care for anybody else. And that is exactly what is happening!
Monday.tuesday.Wednesday.Thursday.Friday.Saturday.Sunday.MONDAY! One whole damn week! Drinking coffee (o.k I am still a kid acc to my parents. No alcohol allowed!), acting like am a real time killer, roaming around with friends, and day dream even if am with them!
I wish I had a pill that could cure me once and for all, with my illness. Why are people so happy? No, why are they burning inside and still putting the smile on?
God! I need some training. I wanna learn how you can lie without being caught, how you can rewind time and still waste it, how one can say something to someone and still not be bothered.
There was a week, exactly. 1 week, and that made me the most silent girl in the class. It made me the most balanced girl, one could have met. Cause I thought I had everything I wanted in that one week. And the next week. Things are not the same! Why? And that made me everything I am now. If am talking to disha, I've gotta be telling her anything, with such sarcasm(wet! obvio!) and poor thing, actually bears me. If am talking to K.d, am something, I am into my own world of fantasies and dreams and how one can cry over the past!. He's one guy who can cool me up! And if am talking to Pratheek? Don't ask me! I dunoo if I ever want to be rude, but I hate talking that way. I hate telling him, he one stupid guy I met. I hate telling things I never meant. Shrujan.....my lost lasting best friend too found some shity changes in me. He's the only damn guy on earth to support me even if am killing him up slowly!
This is what is bothering me! I want to be myself! But am not supposed to. College too. Bloody arrogance. I hate it. I hate it when.....ahh man! I've gotta letgo.
All I wanted to write was, Dad even though I've been a really arrogant kid, and pretend not to listen to you, I love you the most.You've been a great person. Me n chinni have no better idol to admire. Happy b'day.
To all you people, who are reading this, and giggling for yourself, yeah saddistic pleasure, fulfill yourself.
To all those who are reading it, and thinking of telling me I am an idiot. Well, I was. Nomore one.
To all those of you, who are reading it and .......Ahh love you guys! No matter how I am...you have always been there. Too many names to write down. But you'll know which category you belong to.
I hope, I'll have a new beginning now. I want to break free from every damn thing that is holding me to the ME now. And then, brush my teeth, get ready and go write a damn exam!

AAhhhhhh not again!!

Love you loads,
Snigdha.


Life is a big mess. Only when you get through the maze you'll find the cheese isn't it?
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Life: Living in freedom and enquiry.

* breep breep breep* Uh-oh. I forgot to switch my phone into Outdoor once again. Its vibrating vigorously in my pocket, and I took the call. It was sulekha auntie, the only woman on earth to understand me, and catch the exact meaning of what I am talking(My mom still thinks am a kid, so she's pretty possessive.). So, we got chatty and all, and suddenly she tells me about this workshop, to be conducted by Swami Sukhabodhananda. OK. Don't give the *uh. Bowrrriinnng* look. Half of the time, I was wondering why should I be doing this work-shop and the other half , my mind ate me up with curiosity. On the day of the work-shop, I mentally prepared myself for facing it.The *khat kaht* auto sound, added to the background music of my thoughts, made me much more irritated. Sitting beside two aunties, who kept talking on why the terrorists wanted to kill people in mumbai, and blah blah is one pain in the neck believe me, if they don't let you express your ideas. No, seriously. After reaching the place, I got down, gave a big *yawn* and stepped inside the hotel. Whoa! What am I seeing? Grandparents, Parents, everybody above 20!!! A little while later, we had to assemble outside the hall, for a quick get-to-know-your-neighbour session. And that was when GOD took sympathy on me, and a guy just 4 years elder to me walks into this session.At least I was not alone now. Phew! May be 20, bah, he looked like a teenager at least!
Pratheek, down to earth,simple,loves being sarcastic especially to me(I hate you for that!) Loves shades. Lol. OK OK ..back to the gathering. We had to meet as many people as we could and introduce our-self. We did this 3 times till everyone felt they knew the whole group. It was a real nice way of opening up to the crowd. I never felt the Stomach-full-of-butterflies symptoms later. Oh yeah. You should have guessed by now. I was the youngest of all..And, Thanks to my obsession of losing weight even though I am under-weight for my age, I was pretty OK compared to the people there. So I was the lean sixteen kid, in between the "Old is gold" people. oh, without considering Pratheek that is.
While we met the crowd, had fun, and got back inside, I had to settle down in the second row and wait for Swamiji to start. Meanie pratheek found himself a friend and got cozy with him. :P Lol. Didn't mean the other way.
Swamiji, began his session with the Navarasas. And how one could lead a balanced life, having all these rasas(Qualities.). The best part about him is that, unlike all other swamiji's of his age, he's really a playful swamiji. Really modern, updated person, and immediately caught my attention.
As he went on about spirituality, my thoughts went deeper, and clearer. All we are supposed to do is have a bucket list. And work on it.
The first day, went on like this. Spirituality, Life, meditation and question and answer session.
One thing that worked tremendously is, how can one control their negative emotions?
He gave a short story. One day, a man came running into the 15Th floor of a building, yelling, "Sharma! Sharma! Your daughter ran away!"
Close by in one of the houses, was a man drinking his coffee. As soon as he hears it, he gets very angry, and jumps off the building.
As he jumped, when he reached the 13Th floor, he realized, he didn't have a daughter!
At the 8Thfloor, he realised he didn't get married to have a daughter!
At the 4rth floor he realized the man was yelling to sharma!
At the 1st floor, he realized HE WASN'T SHARMA!!
Now, when he jumped off the building, it was a reaction. A senseless reaction. Most of us, react that way in life. Either by being provoked or by giving the other person permission to hurt you easily.
Someone once said, "You are hurt by some-one insulting you, only when you give the person full permission to hurt you!"
True.
Throughout the day, he spoke about, how we can prioritize things in our life, and how we can stop being so judgemental and serious.
I was dying with boredom in the breaks. I wanted to stay back and talk to swamiji, but I had to get out, cause I was supposed to MIX around with people. Whatever! I hardly spoke to anyone after that. And Lunch time! Ah. I met one of the two best people, I met at the workshop. One i already met, pratheek. Another Anna, Vijay, 24,got along well with me. He was a great source of info. I literally chewed up his brain and he was really patient. :P, and we 3 hit it off really well. People who were around us, asked curiously, "So, kiddos, which school are you guys from?"
yes, they didn't look their age, neither did i. :D
The day went on. Got exposed to real great stuff. Felt great by the end of the day, and came home enthusiastically. The uncle who offered to drop me and auntie home, asked me, "Snneegdha! How come you have proooblleeems? You are still a baccchi, hain na?(you are still a kid right?)"
I gave him a straight face, and tried explaining it to him that, every being has a problem. The level of problems may vary, but when you round up, it still is a prob.What may look like a problem for you, might not be a problem for me! He finally gave up convincing me. Lol.
Today was the second day. As usual, met both the guys, headed to the hall, and fullswinged into spirituality. Today was entirely on meditation and how one can benefit with it.
My legs ached, went numb, and got back to normal again. It was a wonderful experience. That was the first time I meditated without being interrupted. :P
Pratheek literally slept. I died laughing . When I shook him up, he got up with an expression of a ghost chasing him! And argues," I haven't slept. I was just too involved." After two mins, asks again, " have I really slept?" with a straight face.:P
Me and vijay anna burst out laughing. Oh, and we have so may other activities. One of the activities I loved was to spread love. While we were meditating, somebody came and placed flowers in front of us. After waking up, we were supposed to exchange that flower with as many people's flowers as you can. Lol. And I still have three now. :)
By the end of the day, we were bursting with energy. We danced on Britney spears, (OK. Nothing great but, imagine "old is gold" people dancing on a ENGLISH song. Its a one in a million moment when you watch them dance.) We went mad. Swamiji himself was dancing. I did the moon walk, and stopped it immediately when both my friends gave me the " this is a carpet OK?" stare. :P
Anna was really nice. He gave me full counselling when I asked him about applying for foreign universities. Real downtoearth, quick witted :P, and has an amazing way of tackling things and problems.Looked peaceful.:)
The workshop was fun. I've learnt a lot from this. I bet, nobody in the world wouldn't have had as much fun as I had! Learnt about Kundalini, the chakras in the body, how one can activate them etc. Life program is a once in a lifetime experience! Awesome, amazing work-shop. A great motivator, swamiji is. Loved his stories.
At the end of the day,I got out, got hugged by people I cared for. Promised them I'll meet them the next time too, and me and my new gang, :P, went to a better place to celebrate our "get together" :p.
But seriously, unless you don't get into the comfort zone of a person, you never get to know them well. But we got along really well. 2 of the best people I spoke to, here. :) exchanged numbers, spoke about our future, and laughed aloud when there was this lady who was being reaaal nice to Anna, and me and Pratheek trying trying really hard to make anna and that woman to talk, lol, weird i know, but fun! Teased each other, rolled down laughing. Ah!
We've got lots to share now. It will continue, no matter what. Swamiji conducting work-shops, and me attending them, and finding both these people there too. Yep. Fun and spiritual well-being.
One lesson I learnt here is, Love is the music of life. Don't pretend or be a loner. be open. Be positive. And learn to accept things the way they are. You are nobody to decide how things should turn out. And above everyone of us, there is a supreme power acting, the God almighty himself. And, that power is undamageble. :)

( I was supposed to share the whole thing I learnt actually. I know. Most of the people i talk to run away, on hearing the word Spirituality. Or, they consider themselves to know everything. I thought I'd write my experience there and how I loved each an every moment I spent there, wit h swamiji, with the people, and with myself. Truly an enlightening experience. Thank you auntie for introducing me to this. Owe you loads.)

HARI OM!

What's going on?

I haven't seen anything as worse in my life. I am still stuck to the google-news while posting this. Mumbai has been under the attack for 24hours! And the Mumbai police is supposed to be the best in the country! 120+ have died.300+ injured! What's is happening? Apparently, these terrorists, call themselved the Deccan Mujahideen, came to the city through a smuggled boat from Porbandar. Now, last night when we sat in front of the t.v watching what was happening, one question literally chewed up my brain. What do these people want? What's the whole point of the attack? Indian army vs a puny group of millitants? Either they could break away from the security cover and escape(Impossible!) or they get killed. So what's the whole point actually?

They got into the Taj hotel, killing the security guards, before that, they were at CS terminal and leopold cafe where they killed a score!

And oh! The way they bombed Taj! And then got into Oberoi.Its pretty scary. Sometimes, attacks like these will get you thinking about your own safety. Infact, the world itself is such an unsafe place! We can't escape can we?

Firing continues. People are killed. Hostages are under the threat. No food for them. Smoke filled hotels. Several attempts are made to save them, but every half-an-hour you hear a gun shot. Man! Am tired. The last time I got so curious about an attack was the Virginia Tech one.

From 7'o'clock in the morning, I have watched each and every news channel, claiming to be the first channel to broad cast live pictures. I have seen people run helter-skelter. Relatives crying.

Why is all this happening? Oh, the silliest part. They have attacked, to stop the Muslims being insulted! And for that they attack the 5star hotels of the city?

They've demanded a ransom. Bloody sure it would be more than 10 crores.
Seriously, I have asked a million questions since morning! Won't they ever feel hunger pangs daddy? Won't they feel sleepy? Aren't they scared they will be killed, nanna? Why have they targeted Mumbai? Ma,what's the whole idea actually?

I am surely not tired of asking questions. But my parents have threatened to throw the T.v and the computer into the hussainsagar, if I continued asking questions. I then realized, I love my computer more than anything else.:

I am shocked actually. Look at the guts! Ak-47s and loads of ammunition, and killing people like you were playing one of those games, Condition zero and Counter-strike!

But, Hope's left.

"We live by chance,

Love by choice,

Kill by proffession."

Indian Army. They have an action ready for every thing. They are slowly, closing in, surrounding the hotels. If the situation can be changed it's only in their hands, and guns ofcourse.

I hope, its all over by tonight. Even though I am miles away from that city, its like as if its happening at one of the parts of my city. Yeah. Weird.

"Forgiving a terrorist should be left to GOD. But fixing their appointment with GOD is entirely our responsibility!"

-The Indian Army.

Got it. Its your job guys.

Sometimes, you can't resist posting stuff like this, even though there are people reading it and cursing.

Ok, like "Who cares!" ha!

Let peace prevail!

ATlast!

Ok. I know, it really weird of me typing this, but...seriously. I've been waiting for this day. Obama is the first black president elected, of the United states of America! I was really over-joyed.( gah.I expected him to win anyway!).

:-)A new ray of hope, to The U.S.A..uh whatever! But am really happy, for god knows what reason.

Peace.

Live,learn,love and leave.

Life's little lessons: Live,learn, love and leave.

We live, to live a new experience every moment and cherish it. Life, has got a million meanings. It all depends on our perception, on how we see it. The weaknesses are balanced by strengths,and vice-verse. We all have a goal. A goal, each one of us realizes at one point of time. May not be today, not tomorrow, not even the next year. It may be now, a decade later, or even when you are in your old-age. A goal is a dream with a deadline. Who doesn't have the right to dream?

We learn, to teach back what we've learnt and apply it in our lives, professionally and personal. We learn to understand life's ups and downs, and we learn to face them. We learn from mistakes, and also learn how not to commit them.
You must have come across this piece already, Thomas Alva Edison failed a hundred times, when he was inventing the bulb. And he did it on he 101th attempt!
When asked about his strong determination, all he said was: I've learnt from every attempt. I've learnt 100 ways of how not to make a bulb!
Learning is a never ending process.

We love, to be loved. Being loved is the most blessed state anybody could achieve. Love is a reciprocal equation in life. You love, you are loved.
Love could be anything, from showing you parents you care to telling your best friend how much you adore her.
Sadly, as our physics law confirms, nothing exists in this world without its opposite. Hatred has to be present, but tell me, Who would appreciate light without experiencing darkness?

We leave with nothing, but memories in the hearts of people, which pave way into them after our doings.Why are we killing,committing crimes? What for? Mentally unstable? Sadism? Schizophrenics all of them. Like I said, nothing exists without its opposites.

Isn't it so simple? These are the thoughts I brought onto this post, after telling myself, its nothing wrong writing stuff you always wanted to tell people you care for. Sadly, I didn't find any other means to let my thoughts travel. Anyway, this post describes my deepest thoughts. I really find myself at peace now. Thank you, for being there, for teaching me good-bad lessons, and for teaching me to love. Thank you all, for reciprocating.

Love,
Snigdha.

My favorite things.

This post, wasn't planned to be blogged. But then, I've been humming it since the 12th of this month. Thought I'd share it. ( though I don't like all of them, take a look.)

♥Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,

bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,

brown paper packages tied up with strings,

these are a few of my favorite things.

♥Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,

door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.

these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,

snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,

silver white winters that melt into springs,

these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,

when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things,

and then I don't feel so bad.

:-). Those of you, who are wondering what this is, Google up "The sound of music" right now!

Love,

Snigdha. ♥

Phobia.

I am sick of it!Why? Why am I doing this?
Why am I turning into a freak?
I am commiting mistakes after mistakes.
I am sick and tired of listening to people, telling me,things I listen a hundred times from different people. Stop expecting too much from me! I am neither a Vishwanathan anand nor a Roger federrer to be perfectly peerrfect! I am a normal teenager, trying to cope up with bitching,studies and frustration! Till today I didn't realize I had an effective way to tell the 'necessary' people, how i felt! So here you read,go and bitch your full and stay happy, and yeah..Don't forget to drop shit comments later and go boast about in the class.
To everybody i know, or atleast i think i know, stop telling me how i am supposed to change my attitude and crap,also stop telling me what you think I should be..Coz both of us know, I am not going to listen to your crap.
And yeah, stop bitching atleast after you read this for God's sake! You would get nothing from it, oh yeah, in certain cases, a few black eyes or sour memories of 'our' times together!
And for the so 'respected' people, I will do what I want to do.
.
.
.
Did I ever tell you why I love linkin park so much? The lines in the songs always, mean what I want to say in short:
"Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored!"

Standing at the end of the street, I tried to hide myself from flashy lights. I didn't want to be seen. It must have been 8:30 in the evening, and the streets were still buzzing with people, in a mad rush to do something, God knows what. And today being, Eid, the street was full of people, happy,greeting each other.

My phone vibrated, sending a chill through my spine. Dad was on the other line, " Where are you?", I could feel the sternness in his voice.
"Dddad...I..can explain..."
"I don't care....1/2 an hour ...if you don't come home by then...You'll see!"
Click!
"Damn!", I cried. How the hell was I supposed to reach home by half-an-hour?

Where would he be? God. Why does this happen to me all the time? Why did he come here? This far from home?

I was 15 kilometres away from home. It all started with a phone call from Aarthi.

"I've just seen him. He must be at the end of our street. I thought you knew!"

Crap, I thought. Now what?

Wasn't I treating him properly? I loved him the most. Why did he do this to me? I would have broken down, if Dhruv wouldn't have spotted me on the way. "Chill yaar, we'll find him. He must have gone for a walk.", was all he told.

And a few minutes later, Dhruv's crush called him up. * Uhhh! Guys act so gurly when they talk to their crushes!* He was way too busy to help me. He gave a very girly sorry, and left home. I was alone again.
Where is he?
I loved him at the first sight. He had a handsome face, and eyes you would never miss. You'll be hypnotized actually.
We spent time together everyday. I never slept till today without giving a good-night hug. We went on long walks and played together.

My phone rings again, its not dad this time thank God.

"Hey! Found him? Its time for dinner. Get him home as soon as possible."

" I'l try kid." I told my lil sister.

I never felt as lonely as I felt then. I had only 10 minutes to reach home. I'd never risk my life into anything to face the wrath of my Dad. He can be an awe fully smart dad and a very strict one too.

I ran home, like how one would run if a leopard was chasing him/her. (ofcourse, he/she'll be it's meal but, in my case I was racing against time.I knew I was it's prey tonight.)

I had only 9 minutes left. God. And I was 2
kilometres away from the house. What do I do? Not even a single auto-rickshaw's here.
6 minutes.
I am dead, I thought.
And there you go, Dhruv was on his Karizma
A wanna be Hrithik, I thought. *Guys can act like gentle-men too.*
I reached home a minute late. Thank God there was very less traffic that day, which gave every chance of showing off his biker skills. Only today, I chanted.

Dad was at the door. With the look, like he would never allow me inside the house. I tried to smile.
(Aww..my dad's heart is like ice, melts really quick..:P)
" You made it on time miss.Time for dinner."
I couldn't hide the tears flowing from my eyes,rolling down my cheek. I missed him and loved him.
I was hyper-depressed. Trembling with fear, fear of losing something I loved the most, I ran into my bed-room, fell onto the bed and cried. I thought of all the wonderful things we did together, we played, ran, we were there for each other everytime! He used to listen to all my non-sense. He used to listen to me when I told him about my physics sir, or when I spoke about my best friend. *sigh*

And then suddenly I hear a yawn!
There, now that was a familiar one, and then a whine. Now this was way too familiar. What's wrong?, I thought. And then he streached. Wow, what a hero!
And right under my bed he was. That shining teeth, that handsome face, that fur.
"Chester!!" I yelled and hugged him. Thank God, I thought.
Chester was my 4 year old black labrador.

reply!

To,
Mr.Anonymous,
who ever you are, nice of you to muster up your courage to comment on my blog, but if you were daring enough you could have written your name along with your comments.
I really pity you for not being born with proper understanding skills. Sad you don't even seem to understand few posts I blog. You should have read the whole post before you commented.
I donot feel ashamed of blogging my way anymore. If you are on a mission to discourage me, have your way, but don't get disheartend cause you cannot suceed. If you still don't understand what I typed here, I advice you to simply find another place to vent your darn feelings.
Donot pretend to be someone. I do know who you are. I could have blogged shit about you, but the difference is I am humane.

Lastly, Get a life and get out of mine.

peace,
Snigdha.

To be or not to be?

♫ After ages, am on the computer typing away furiously.For the first time(after years!),I am kind of happy and relaxed.I've been pretty busy with myself. Struggling to keep myself along with my classmates, and yeah trying to prove am worthy to be in that class after the great separation!My other new job is studying people around me. I am not boasting, I don't have a reason to boast about anyway, but the fact is, it's some serious fun if you are able to read the other guy's mind. Aren't we all born with this trait? Well never mind, all I know now is am pretty easy at life, and I badly need grades to keep me focused on "The Goal!"☻

My thinking hasn't changed. I wonder why I only question? Why don't I answer?

Why do we tend to get attracted to negative things than positive ones? (Now now...stop saying you are not in that category.We all have this problem.C'mon!).
Isn't that like THE BIG PROBLEM? I know. I am the victim. I came across a read nice article the other day. Why is negative so attractive? Why does everyone love being emo?
Why do we want to prove to somebody we just met 5 mins ago, that we are one of those guys you'll never meet again?
Why do we pretend? Why do we feel happy when the guy we dislike is suffering?
Reminds me of a kid from my class. Poor thing. It isn't really his fault for having this ADD syndrome, maybe all of us have this, in limiting levels though. Anyway, originality is like the best asset one can have. I am proud I am original.(o.k I've found the only reason I could be proud of!)
Why do we give up easily? or should I write...Why don't we give up easily?

There are a few situations we are familiar with. And most of the times we know how it ends. In fact, I found this very strange. It's all in our mind. You don't need an astrologer, you don't even need some guy to foretell you your future.
When ever we attempt something..we all know how it would end. It may either end in a disaster or a celebration. The thing is, none of us want to see how it ends. At least I don't. I always expect miracles to happen on the spur of the moment. Why? I could never sort that out.

Am I a question bank!? φ

I am not one of those bloggers who go on preaching shit, half of which they don't follow. I am one of those who really blog anything and everything they find fascinating, of course fantasies differ.I blog because I like blogging.

Now, when people tell me, rather drop anonymous notes or messages that they find my blog weird...for that second, I feel sick. I feel I shouldn't have started it. I feel I am being judged cause I blog 'my way'.
Half of me is already fed-up, and ready to give up. But the tougher half is not ready. Every morning , as soon as I wake up, the first thing I think of is being Independent.
But that's the last thing I think of as soon as I get into my college.
Schizophrenic? Weirdo?

Uh..whatever! Let's move on to the cheerful side of this post.

The other day, I was googling and I found this poem of Rudyard Kipling. Most of us know it. But how many of us understand it and apply it in our lives? The same poem was printed and given to my dad by his professor, and I found it in between his certificates,that was how I was introduced to this brilliant writer, poet. As far as my dad tells me, he says that poem changed his attitude. :D let's take a look at it anyway.


IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run --
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

-Rudyard Kipling.

This is one of the best poems I ever read. Anyway, I guess this answers to all my questions. :-D

Life's normal. I'll be back with another episode. Till then, let peace prevail. ~God those blasts in Delhi sent a chill through my spine!~

The end of the world?

"The earth's going to blast!!" was the first thing I heard when my kiddo-sister woke me up.
Strange, I thought. Though I didn't believe a word of what she said, I always wanted to be the last one alive to see the remains of this planet. I know, Impossible.
The best part is, an end could also be the beginning of something. The same day our class bugged the physics lecturer to explain how exactly the "Big-Bang" experiment works. By the end of the class, I knew 2 things. 1-The process and how the experiment would be conducted.(yes, it is not that dangerous to wipe out life on earth.)
2- The class would be divided. (: no connection I know!)
That was seriously the "big-bang" nobody expected. The excitement about the experiment, the anxiety, the fear of dying (lol!) , everything vanished for a while when suddenly this lady-in-charge walks into the class, clutching a piece of paper, and began reading out names!
Uh...15 kids who scored well in the previous exams were separated from the rest of us. (o.k I know I should have worked pretty seriously!)
They put us in this crowded classroom, a pretty sick one, which includes a few sickos, cobwebs on the corners, dust on benches showing nobody sat over there for ages, and yeah broken window panes on the floor!
Oh yeah. A place where one cannot survive without bitching!
Two things were very disturbing. One was the classroom and the other was this gloom on the faces of my friends.
Why are we humans so attached to emotions ? Why don't we take things as they come to us? Why do we say '' I don't care'' and still cry deep inside? Why do we appear as if nothing happened even though we are struggling to remain stable inside? lastly, why do we act like we are appreciating someone totally, even though we are biting our heart inside? Why do we pretend?
Why?
That was it!
Two of my friends left to that class. One was a hard worker, totally chilled and fun to be with. She was the butt of all jokes but somehow found herself enjoying all the jokes. The other was a hard-worker, born with too much of brains, you will notice that as soon as you see him lol .
Though I was closer to this brainy guy, I somehow didn't want the other one to go. She was fun.
Now, as we are all sure we will survive, even though the experiment was started almost like 31 hours earlier I still didn't recover from the bang I faced the other day at college.
Why did they shuffle us? Why did they prevent us from talking to them? Why are they so insane?

Is this discrimination? What sort of?

Anyway, this surely can't be the end of life. Obviously it is a new beginning. Let's hope I prove myself.(why do I repeat this sentence always?)

There were a million questions buzzing in my mind. I don't know if that is natural but the thing is, each one of us has a different side. A side we never want anybody else to know. A side we hide within ourselves, but why? Because it could either be one's weaknesses or one's strength.

All of us have an awefully good side, we don't usually show. Why?

Why can't everyone accept the win-win situation instead of win-lose ?

I don't know if I'll receive my answers though I prefer knowing them myself through my own doings. Frankly, that day left all of us shocked. Reason 1: We missed our previous class. Reason 2: We were happy the way we spent time in that class.

Now, nothing seems to be exciting. Every thing is a bore. Why can't we accept change? :-(



I don't even know why I blogged it. That was the only thing I could think of, and that is the only thing I think of. . I miss that girl who was fun to be with. I miss lunching with my friends, happily chatting away. I miss fun! I miss my best friend.It isn't the end of the world right?I hope it isn't.

Independence Day.

Hello..yeah I know...long time since I sat up in front of my P.C and blogged what was on my mind. Doesn't matter. Today, 15Th of august, is our country's (INDIA) Independence day. I got up pretty late, got ready late, and yeah sat in front of the television late..saw the parade, saw the Prime-minister hoist the flag, and yeah saw a million people standing up and sing our national anthem with a great patriotic fervour, a million people praising Abhinav Bindra cause of the Olympic feat he achieved, and a million others like me..staring at the screen and wondering why we celebrate such days...days we call the DAY OF INDEPENDENCE?

That's weird I know..I know our country's trying to improve in every field , achieving great progress, and ruling in it. But how does that progress make a difference in a citizen of that country?

What I mean to write is..yes, we achieved progress, yes, we are one amongst the ''Would-be" developed countries..but how does that show progress? How does it make an Indian proud? Just because our ancestors fought for this country...we celebrate it for the sake of celebrating it?

A week ago, I was asking all the people around me..what was their definition of "Freedom"?

Well yeah, I did get a few jerky answers but anyway each of them have their rights of expressing. Their idea of freedom...is quite obvious to what you expect from a teen...I want to be free from parental pressure!

I want to be free from taboos!

I want to be free from my college, restrictions,and dress code!

or

Freedom means..My boy-friend letting me to flirt with the other guys!

Freedom is to smoke,booze and get away without being caught!

I had it!

Is this the freedom we all want? Where is this freedom taking us?

Uh...I dunno...may be you should ask that girl..she's one of the hottest here!

Well that's how it is!

No, I am not asking all of you..to immediately abandon your computer now, hold swords and kill those committing crimes. All I am wondering is...what has India been dependent on that it achieved Independence 61 years ago?

As far as my history text-books revealed, weren't Britishers just traders?

O.K they conquered our country. O.K they harassed us. O.K they killed millions of innocent people. But guys...what happened to the positive side? Have you given a thought to what would have happened if those 'Gits' (like you call!) didn't come to our country?

Would there have been a railway line? Would there have been institutions established for both the genders to study? Would omens,curses and blind beliefs been erased? Would INDIA be what it is today?

No, seriously a big NO. We would have been stuck there...narrow-minded, blind, not ready to accept changes..don't you think so? Every bad thing gives way to a good thing.

Isn't speaking history damn hard especially if you are a science student? *sigh*

Frankly, this I-Day has been spent unlike the other I-days where we ran to school to take part in various competitions and getting loads of prizes.

Yes, I do know there are many people out there who have really worked hard to get out country at the present stage..and I sincerely salute those..but the question is Who will be leading our country now? We all owe something to this country..Don't we?

Let's all hope we (let's try atleast!), in one way or the other , make India a real proud nation not in fields like population, poverty,abandoning the girl child,increasing the no. of crimes committed, WHOA! Look at that? A list that is...which won't end soon I BET!

I needn't write these lecture types anyway..all of us know what to do ..and how we achieve True Independence, Independence of the heart and mind to wander freely, purely and truely, touching hearts world-wide and reaching the needy..Let's all work on it .(this doesn't mean all of us should stop what we are doing at present. Let's succeed in what ever we approach...!)

Then...let's call it the "New Independent India". Independence in everything truely and peacefully.

(lost more to scribble, can't continue. Sorry for the abrupt ending. You see I am still dependent on my parents so..I have to abide to them..or..err..does it really matter here? We were talking about Independence right? ;-) )

Peace,

Snigdha

I am me. (funny!)

OK!
What do I write? I do not like talking about myself much so will not do so. I am not even interested in writing about some guy I thought was interesting. I would prefer meeting in person and let people explore because I love to see that look on their face! Yes!
Well, there are five people buzzing me on my messenger.
I can not concentrate. I can not concentrate on anything for more than 30 minutes at a stretch which means that I need change. And yes, I believe that variety is the spice of life so chances are if you see me in black hair today you may see me in Blonde the next time we meet. And yes, did not I tell you that I love that look of surprise. (No I realise that blonde will not look good on me, but never mind)
I love to talk, in fact I totally believe in “Communication”. If I meet somebody with gorgeous/handsome looks…with a great sense of humor and attitude and without proper “communication” skills…then plop they go out of my mind. I love communicating. I also love listening to living things communicate; in any case if you find me not talking, then chances are that there is food in my mouth.
I am very curious. I am very adventurous. I like experimenting.
My favorite sport is traveling, meeting people, and giving myself morale Boost (not the one Sachin drinks!).
I also read books, sing songs, listen to music and love to dance, occasionally I pull people’s legs and frighten them frightfully! I also like playing pranks but stopped doing so because I ended up encouraging them to play much Horrible Pranks on me.
I also play tennis but end up reaching my court when it starts raining. I like football but prefer watching it than playing. I do not like getting dirty and would like to keep myself very neat and tidy. I cannot tolerate a web being spun by a spider in my room or at any corner of my house. I like hanging out with my friends and love buying presents for them. Yes, I love accepting gifts, and yes, I love surprises.
In fact I do everything that any girl of my age would love to do which proves that I am normal even though my boyfriend, my best friends and my family including my dog would love to disagree.
I like good things, things that make me feel am nice. At times you may notice my awkward boisterous nature, and dogged persistence, and resistantance to change and all the rest as vanity takes a toll on me due to my Taurean traits. Weird, rebellious, possessive and practical like my Taurean attitude.
Bored, wandering, away from this planet , dazed err..those are the looks I put on most of my time when am amidst strangers. Happy , cheerful , funny with pals. Dangerous, sarcastic, brutal and revengeful with people I dislike.
Um..well my half-an-hour is up! Am done with writing about myself. I’ve really been procrastinating work..(yes, like tests, homework , assignments..etc.) .Need something to drink too at the same time. Will catch you sometime later in life, mm…wherever…whatever…till then keep the faith!

What I've done!

Did you ever wake up and get that feeling that you've spent your 8 hours sleeping deeply without any trouble? Well I faced it today. After almost a year I slept peacefully....
Well anyway, life's pretty much normal now. Just that I am being introduced to a few bitter truths everyday ( who told you truth was sweet? DUH!).

Today was a real perfect day..shine, rain, sultry, today's weather was everything I wanted to see..in a day.
Did a little bit of organic chemistry and maths have an exam tomorrow thought I'd make sure I don't flunk in the exam tomorrow.

Today had many shades. Happy golden shades, sad greys, blacks of regret,angry shades and guilt purples too. Err..did I tell you I love colors?

Happy shade was in the morning. Everything seemed so perfect. And suddenly I am pushed to study...amidst the four walls ..I kinda felt claustrophobic. But like dada says.."What ever happens happens for your own good.!"
I hate that quote sometimes. How can some one feel so good..locked in a room with books no less than 10 cms width and with millions of questions you would kill yourself for joining such a course. But ...*sigh* remember my vow? The "being optimistic" one? Couldn't break it.

So the sad greys have been introduced above.

Regrets top my chart of "What's on my mind?"

I regret being a little too curious. I regret being too sensitive. I regret being there for everyone. And finally I regret posting the last post which persuades me to be optimistic always. Well I still am optimistic. Just that the level of optimism...er..kinda fell down.
Why do things come up so unexpectedly?

Why am I not able to live myself, and choosing what I want..instead of letting people make all the decisions for me?

Well...Tomorrow is the big day. My friend, actually challenged me! O.k I never knew the actual motive behind this but...it is a tough one.
He asked me to behave real good tomorrow and the day after. Instead of me, going and giving a "Wassup?" I'll shut so that I can maintain 2 days of peace for all those people I've troubled till today!;-)

I'll not even voice my opinions if I have any. I'll be the goody girl of the class and will not speak more than what I've got to answer. Wait a minute!!

Wasn't I the one yelling just a few lines ago.."I wanna live my way??"
This challenge...err..wonder why he gave it..but somewhere my mind pokes me and tells me this could be the solution for the CHANGE IN MY BEHAVIOR people expect from me.
Now..this is controversial again..why am I living for others??

Seriously...so many questions popping now..*bangs her head to the monitor* * thanks God cause the monitor's glass didn't crack*...why didn't these questions come when I gave that over confident YES for the challenge?? Sigh!

Anyway..let's end the blues here...anger..well errm...is included along with the regret blues.

Guilt pangs were the most powerful today. Imagine yourself being very sure about a BIG decision you took in your life and someone from no-where makes your believe you committed the worst mistake in your life! Well...Anadit I remember your question..." I thought you aren't influenced by people??"

I still am not. And will never be. At that moment, I felt sick. Sick because I was suppressing my own feeling and growing a feeling planted by some other person! Sick because I let the other person dominate my decisions instead of choosing one myself.

Well anyway...I'd like to leave it and go with whatever life gives me. If It was a wrong decision..then I'd bow and thank God for making me realize what I've done. And If my decision is right, the Whoooooopiiie!

Life's pretty colorful.( You should be knowing it by now!)
These are the colors dominating my life...yes they make it colorful but wish the happy shades dominated it. Well I wouldn't wanna be selfish..a little other shades..too will be fine..but in little proportions.

And yes, I don't want myself to be the only person happy forever...C'mon how selfish can one get?
I'd like to see people happy around me, making each other happy, radiating happiness....happiness which will involve a sense of importance...to every individual....a sense of togetherness....a sense of belonging....something irreplaceable....*sigh*...the life of my dreams!

Realize the value of your smile!

Yes..a smile..have you ever wondered how important it could be in a NORMAL human being's life? Well I don't know about anybody..but I found the best people on earth after a little show of their teeth! Yeah...smiles can exist even without showing your teeth...but..uhuh...anything is fine. :P I can give you a million incidents where I actually met somebody after they smiled back. Ever seen a hungry kid's expression when he/she gets a ice-cream? What a glow the face has?? Ever seen a person's face when he/she is very happy ? However ugly they might look, they'll look amazing when they smile!

On march 27^th 1997, somebody very special entered into mylife…my little sister! The day I saw her..I immediately developed a liking towards her, and why? Cause she gave me the most beautiful smile I've ever come across ,of course this smile is a different one..she was making fun of me when I was taking the picture!. From the day she was born to now…she smiles the same way and believe me that smile makes miracles. She is the first to come and give me a bear hug when ever am sad or low..and that one smile drowns the whole sadness in a jiffy!

Seriously..a smile could soften the hard heart of any psycho...(exceptions are present!)...but isn't it strange? A smile can break the ice and you never know..! One of my friends in the class has a smart smile…the moment he smiles the whole lot around him breaks into big wide smiles...and seeing him all of us start smiling for no reason!

So keep smiling and spread your smile...yes, did'nt you know it was contagious? ;-)

Do not smile because you should be smiling at that moment, smile because you love the situation…!

A smile can lessen your enemies too...(exceptions present here!)

(yes it works well on back biters too!)

(yes most of them shut up when you smile at them!)

(yes I know you are going to try on them!)

( yes you'll succeed!)

Most importantly, Smile in situations where you cannot smile...that will ease your worries and you will think clearly..:-P works quite well with me..though!

Love and peace.

Bond making or bond breaking?

Cool it! Organic chemistry has been giving me nightmares of late...benzene, resonating structures, reaction mechanism, (am I mentioning the easy stuff?) that's it! Chemistry could be a pain in the neck as well as "The best subject!" sometimes.

Anyway, posting about chemistry is not my topic today..(don't worry I won't bore you guys by typing chemical reactions and methods of preparations of alcohols and blah blah.) I wanted to post a real different post today.

Here is something I'd love to share with you guys....

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

It had been a year since Susan, thirty-four, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity.

Once a fiercely independent woman, Susan now felt condemned by this terrible twist of fate to become a powerless, helpless burden on everyone around her. "How could this have happened to me?" she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth - her sight was never going to return.

A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion. And all she had to cling to was her husband Mark.

Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all of his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again. Mark's military background had trained him well to deal with sensitive situations, and yet he knew this was the most difficult battle he would ever face.

Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task.

Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?

Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me." Mark's heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it.

And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat.

He made her laugh, even on those not-so-good days when she would trip exiting the bus, or drop her briefcase. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.

Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. He believed in her, in the Susan he used to know before she'd lost her sight, who wasn't afraid of any challenge and who would never, ever quit.

Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own.

Monday morning arrived, and before she left she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday ... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself!

On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you."

Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year?

Curious, she asked the driver, "Why do you say that you envy me?" The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are."

Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and asked again, "What do you mean?"

The driver answered, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."

Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't physically see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love and faith that can bring light where there had been darkness.

Doesn't this story strike something in you?

Well totally, especially for a person like me..it's one of the best I ever came across.

All these days..All I did was curse myself for being the person everyone hated.
I never gave a chance to clear it up either....

A few lines from a friend of yours changes your thinking isn't it?
A friend of mine quoted this when I said I didn't understand myself and I never liked myself either, "When someone doesn't love him/her self, it is only because of 2 reasons..either they do not live like themselves!Or they do not love what they are doing!"

Let's forget about me here...I haven't even given a damn to people with much greater problems than mine...people do not have basic needs...they do not get food to eat everyday...they are abused physically and mentally...they are exploited horribly...Why?

Comparing my weaknesses and my emotional conflicts with these problems is like comparing a small stone in space to the big comet..Isn't it?

So here I realize..I've woken up after a great time...sometimes even though you are perfect your are blind and sometimes when you are blind you are still one or the other way perfect!

My problem is to be dealt with great patience and lots of hardwork..sulking won't help me..I realized it.

All I've got to do now is Love myself first! Thank God this is cured! And yeah! For all those who are really unhappy with themselves, or with anything in life...just close your eyes and think if it's much more serious than going to bed starving badly and when food is given..stare at it for some time and die even before eating it? Or is it as serious as being on the war for days together without food or water and still keep fighting for the country even if you know you might not see your family again?

Doesn't that give you a chill in the spine? It gave me so many chills that I opened my eyes and killed the things blinding me...

I hope I'll never lose my belief and faith I have now and I desperately hope for a change in my behavior. Thanks to the wonderful people in my life! Thank you for tolerating me and dealing with me and thank you Dhaval...for being frank and helping me realize I shouldn't give a damn about what people think about me.

And finally thank you all back-biters for back-biting and talking ill behind my back..cause if you people didn't then I wouldn't know what's like facing the other ugly part of me...and I wouldn't clear my weaknesses without you guys. Of course, how would you appreciate light without facing the darkness?

Thanks a lot!

love and peace!

So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating....?

*What a song!*

Hello dearie blog! (Am I acting strange?) Well I should be acting strange obviously. With the twists and turn in my life...how do you expect me to behave? huh?

Could you ever listen....could you ever dare to speak your mind? only for a minute only one moment..anytime?


Of late I've become an hyper-depressed insomaniac...Can't sleep at night..can't take things easily..can't do anything else except think people all around me are waiting to ditch me anytime, break my trust and leave me alone.

Why the hell am I bothered anyway?

Cut my life into pieces...this is my last resort!

Lolz...if only you would be in my place you'd know.. anyway...it's like how a spider knows its web.
err..that was weird. :|

Anyway..like I was saying..well ditching, bitching, Attitude, and blah blah blah...you think I have time for all these? Well apparently I AM MAKING TIME FOR THESE!

I've become so numb!

Life's become much normal..I mean just a few days ago, I never even felt I had the other side of me..which could just stop talking, and could ignore people with great ease..and also work a little extra to improve grades.

Wow...I know but it's a shock for me too...till yesterday I thought I couldn't stop yapping and ignore people..and yes! Linking park is THE MOST CRAZIEST FREAKING BAND I EVER CAME ACROSS! I LOVE IT! Err...yes I did hate a particular guy when he told me he was Lp's biggest fan or whatever..but ..*sigh* I wish I believed him! lolzz..;-)

Anyway, I made some real nice friends when I came to the new class..err..but well umm..I wish I was not a confused kid..I hate that feeling!

And well now am considering to ...err..well do you think it's worth going back? That's one thought haunting me..umm you wouldn't know what am mumbling..!

But anyway..the gang kinda welcomed me back..:P ...and they seem to think am doing the right thing..thnx to you guys..even after I thought my best pals would not be with me..you guys still never made me feel alone..and..ahh.. :-) thanx a lot!

Well I always observed this! Just before I start writing my post..I am a real angry and frustrated soul..but..now? lol I love this seriously! All the negative feelings are no more there..! I seriously should thank Dad for asking me to start blogging! Thanks a loooooot dad!

Anyway..I'll get a hell lot of shouting if I don't go and start studying now..err..I have to anyway!

Good day!

NO Pessimism day!

(the above pic..is my fav. artist's pic)

o.k the world may not be aware of it..but today is celebrated as the NO PESSIMISM day err isn't that Optimistic? ;-)... Yes, I stood on it. Instead of making this a normal boringMY LIFE IS SOO EXCITING or..MY LIFE IS BUGGING post..I thought I'd make it a little different. So..go ahead..Oh yeah! Happy No pessimism day! :-)

Yipiie!

This is going to be my best weekend ever. Mum and dad planned for a getaway to the out-skirts..and I'll freak my life out! Totally! I desperately prayed for a break and here you go! I love you God! :-) and mum, sis and me caught a movie yesterday...totally enjoyed it. I love you mom and dad! :-*


I'll post the rest later..mom and dad are yelling from the car, Gotta rush now. Good day!

A few random pics...

At New Delhi, couldn't resist taking a picture when they marched by!


I wonder where this came from?

This is pandora...one of my friend's rabbit.

To be or not to be...

Thank God I posted this at last! Seriously! I've never been able to blog recently...Thanks to my assignments.
Which is why I am not able to sleep too.

And here are people yelling at me for not taking proper care of myself and trying to work too hard. Little do they know, am trying to get a proper status in my class, where there are people triple times intelligent than an a normal human being.

And here am I, looking sheepish, enjoyed my whole first year and now struggling to get my basics right. Yeah! I know I shouldn't have been short-sighted. Small basics not known could ruin your life!
Now I say...why only me?

Because, I was pretty lenient toward my studies.
Because, I never knew the real essence of success.
Because, I never tried to.

You know something? People love to be positive at every moment of my life. But what do they do when hey face something horribly negative? Gulp it down and sulk? Or take it positive again? If they do take it positively..how do they convert the feelings?
Given a chance, I'd fill up my entire blog with millions of questions. I swear...you'd turn a pessimist by the end of reading them, but to me they are answers I badly want to know. No, am not trying to be a pessimist. It's just that I have mixed feelings in my heart, mind and soul. And...sigh...wish I was like my so-called-best buddy, who doesn't even err it shows. She doesn't need to care but she's one amazing girl I met. Totally focused on her goal, doesn't miss giving any shot. As soon as you enter the college, you find a huge poster of hers, happily smiling cause she achieved something a thousand others couldn't. She stood first in the state in my first year examinations. Now what was that? See...people like that inspire me..but also kill my confidence.

At times, I wonder if all that I am studying, will help me later in life? May be...may not be.
But that hunger to see you as the best among the best...will keep you fighting till the end.

I just wish that hunger bites me and stay forever, and hope I become someone like Jahnavi..at least to make my parents proud. (err..They never knew this side of me. I hate the fact that I am hiding it from them. Am scared to face their reaction.)

And yes, hope I attain a positive approach towards life. Hope...hope...hope......what is that? Do I recognize it?

Four things I crave!