I still let it play.

There are songs that play and finish. And there are those that hit you in every single dimension, mind you there are at least twelve. Bob Dylan has always been a mystery to me. Imagine, you have an entire night to work for an assignment. You cut your self off that stupid social networking site that only troubles you. It's weird that your phone doesn't run out of charge cause nobody calls you, your i-pod and you are inseparable because there's nothing else that makes you feel good in a day and there it appears, like it was meant to at that very moment. Like it's written in God's manuscript that you will listen to this at that very point and it will hit you. In places un-fathomable.

Bob Dylan has it in his lyrics. And when the song reached it's half, there's a furor of emotions. That anguish and blame that you put on yourself, that feeling of something hanging at the pit of your heart, the emotions that you spend all your life trying to avoid, come guffawing. And you know what? It's un-avoidable.

BOB DYLAN

Here's to the master, who has the "restless hungry" feeling to thrust him forward. With a voice so calm, it's difficult to spot them.

When we first met, you were full of regret, 

And so was I.

Ran out of tears, shame hidden in your pocket,

I dare not ask why. 

Maybe it was my mind, 

I grew less fierce

Maybe it was you, 

so hopeless and strong.

How did I get here, 

when nobody could pierce,

the anger, the hatred, to who it belonged?

The winds that wipe, 

the whispers they bring to me

Of affection gained, 

too good to be free. 

Pitying, I drop a tear, 

as I watch the grey skies, 

I billowed under the cloud, giving away my fear. 

I think about us often, 

lie not cause it's true

Of things unspoken, 

I hate to believe. 

What memories were made

filled with fumes of love and hope 

but ideas and theories everybody forgot.

Turn back the time, 

embrace my mistakes.

Who am i kiddin'?

I cannot throw away.

Take the beaten track back home,

run on my toes,

Reach before you close,

I am not who I set to be. 

Something about old conversations makes  me feel really nice. It's a big tub full of emotions contradicting one another. Pieces of chits that got passed in the class to gtalk saved chats, almost all of it makes me wonder what really happened that makes me stand away from the normal stuff?

Needless to say, these conversations don't take place anymore due to various reasons. Pushed them away, have better things to talk about, cannot stand their opinions and many more. I'm no queen at being the best but I think it's my doing. I see myself slowly run down hill with whatever strength i've left in me.
It's hard to make a conversation with anybody. People get offended, annoyed and confused. I wish I stopped caring. :)

I have my exams going on. If you knew me for really long, you probably won't believe this: I haven't stepped out of my room except for food and the toilet or writing my exam (!). Very minimal exchange of words and presence of another person in the same location. It's different. It's good? I don't know. Makes me save a lot of time and affection.

I feel a lot more calm. It's strength that was restored, which i lost in the last couple of years. Honestly, what the worst thing that could happen to me? I'll find a way to deal with it. I've grown so weak and vulnerable, which quite frankly annoys me. I was the BACK BONE before. People came to ME for support and assurance. And now I dig it. How the fuck did I think that is being strong and epic independent again?

Anyway, I have become v.organized. It's not funny. I have finally started feeling normal. This is what I used to be. Chirpy, organized and careful. :)

Alright then. I will finish my exams, make myself a little proud and do some hiking maybe?


Love.

Stop judging me. Get a life, loser. 

The Awakening.

I realized I didn't post my first ever full fledged poem here. I know it could have been better, but I'm awfully proud of myself. When he read it, he appreciated my work. Makes me more proud of myself. Means a lot. Nobody did that before. It means I could capture something wonderful if he says it's "exceptional".

Snow flakes on the white bench,

Crows wailing at the black bay.

Peaceful, they claim it to be

A stranger in the darkness, a lover at sea.

The hopeful promises on the mind unrest

Is it the world or just me?

To few who know, for most who do,

For things lost, I care not for who.

Too many whores and thieves in disguise,

you fall with eyes blind not knowing why.

Farther I aim, I fail to see.

What I have now will make the most of me.

What the grains give to the womb

that makes it grow.

Like a poor man's meal,

I hate to throw.

" I promise this won't happen, I will let this be. "

As many times said, how many un-believed.

" You will be the one, to be my lovely wife "

Three hundred said to, one will choose thee.

Forgive not, for I know the truth

Is it the world or just me?

A fold on the heart's sleeve

as we stammer for prayers

the world that is groaning,

to do more than breathe, a less painful memory.

I wait for you to end the routine,

I wish you could see what it does to me.

Our lives are entwined, but you will never see

what lies inside us, shall serve its purpose to thee.

I will never be her, who walks helpless with no heart.

In love, you find weak. Strength as the prowess.

Death riding in a chariot,

stamps on the mahogany desk.

Black widows and white plain fish bowls.

Is it the world or just me?

I just watched K-Pax. And I feel different. Like some new found strength got stored back into my body.

If is a little word with a big meaning. But love is a 4 letter word with infinite power.

This feels great.

Where there is a way.

SUMMER.

(And I thought I should upload photographs that I clicked a long time ago.)

Bottles and boundaries.

When one fills freedom, the other restrains it.

A Trunk.

Talk about scars.

Lights.

Life and death.

Beings.

Pain and its adversity.

For the times they are aaaaaa-changing.

Unbelievable but true, trash every horoscope/astrological book you've had which says 'Taureans and change are two things that cannot be put together in the same sentence, unless it's negative.'

My change, the change I brought to myself is beautiful. Quite quick, I know. Yesterday, like one of those days, I had a brilliant 24 hours without feeling low for once. I felt nice and different. And the regular meeting with the man turned out to be extraordinary. It's funny how you can sit and crib about all the bad things that have gone wrong and be okay in a jiffy if you're around someone. True, Life must have been a bitch, but it's NOW that we've got. The present is turning out to be more tolerable than the past or the future.

I fell asleep with a sense of security, a feeling I'd be woken up abruptly because I've strongly managed to push him to write TONIGHT. It was a pleasant night. And my brain responds quite quickly, and tadaaaaa I was asleep. Like a baby, like a body unaware of its surroundings, where physical presence didn't matter. Almost the best 6 hours of the next day.

I keep jabbering or rambling most of the times, I'm waiting desperately to listen to the poem. As evident as it can get, he's going to put me through a suffering for falling asleep before listening to it and see what I'm going to do. It's funny, I feel so pro already. :D

Basically, I'm happy. The world's quite alright, really. It's bad and all that, but it's still tolerable. The change is a passion fruit growing in your papaya orchard, abrupt and confusing? For you. I'm fixing my comfortable buttons here, yooohooo.

This is how I feel. The morning is just a few hours away. And life is pleasant, sorry to disappoint ya'll. It really is.

Balance, yes I know. Let's save the world now.

Love,

The happiest girl on the planet at the moment. (Like seriously you wouldn't want to challenge unless you want to lose miserably and feel horrible!)