When we first met, you were full of regret, 

And so was I.

Ran out of tears, shame hidden in your pocket,

I dare not ask why. 

Maybe it was my mind, 

I grew less fierce

Maybe it was you, 

so hopeless and strong.

How did I get here, 

when nobody could pierce,

the anger, the hatred, to who it belonged?

The winds that wipe, 

the whispers they bring to me

Of affection gained, 

too good to be free. 

Pitying, I drop a tear, 

as I watch the grey skies, 

I billowed under the cloud, giving away my fear. 

I think about us often, 

lie not cause it's true

Of things unspoken, 

I hate to believe. 

What memories were made

filled with fumes of love and hope 

but ideas and theories everybody forgot.

Turn back the time, 

embrace my mistakes.

Who am i kiddin'?

I cannot throw away.

Take the beaten track back home,

run on my toes,

Reach before you close,

I am not who I set to be. 

Something about old conversations makes  me feel really nice. It's a big tub full of emotions contradicting one another. Pieces of chits that got passed in the class to gtalk saved chats, almost all of it makes me wonder what really happened that makes me stand away from the normal stuff?

Needless to say, these conversations don't take place anymore due to various reasons. Pushed them away, have better things to talk about, cannot stand their opinions and many more. I'm no queen at being the best but I think it's my doing. I see myself slowly run down hill with whatever strength i've left in me.
It's hard to make a conversation with anybody. People get offended, annoyed and confused. I wish I stopped caring. :)

I have my exams going on. If you knew me for really long, you probably won't believe this: I haven't stepped out of my room except for food and the toilet or writing my exam (!). Very minimal exchange of words and presence of another person in the same location. It's different. It's good? I don't know. Makes me save a lot of time and affection.

I feel a lot more calm. It's strength that was restored, which i lost in the last couple of years. Honestly, what the worst thing that could happen to me? I'll find a way to deal with it. I've grown so weak and vulnerable, which quite frankly annoys me. I was the BACK BONE before. People came to ME for support and assurance. And now I dig it. How the fuck did I think that is being strong and epic independent again?

Anyway, I have become v.organized. It's not funny. I have finally started feeling normal. This is what I used to be. Chirpy, organized and careful. :)

Alright then. I will finish my exams, make myself a little proud and do some hiking maybe?


Love.

Stop judging me. Get a life, loser.