Did you ever wake up and get that feeling that you've spent your 8 hours sleeping deeply without any trouble? Well I faced it today. After almost a year I slept peacefully....
Well anyway, life's pretty much normal now. Just that I am being introduced to a few bitter truths everyday ( who told you truth was sweet? DUH!).
Today was a real perfect day..shine, rain, sultry, today's weather was everything I wanted to see..in a day.
Did a little bit of organic chemistry and maths have an exam tomorrow thought I'd make sure I don't flunk in the exam tomorrow.
Today had many shades. Happy golden shades, sad greys, blacks of regret,angry shades and guilt purples too. Err..did I tell you I love colors?
Happy shade was in the morning. Everything seemed so perfect. And suddenly I am pushed to study...amidst the four walls ..I kinda felt claustrophobic. But like dada says.."What ever happens happens for your own good.!"
I hate that quote sometimes. How can some one feel so good..locked in a room with books no less than 10 cms width and with millions of questions you would kill yourself for joining such a course. But ...*sigh* remember my vow? The "being optimistic" one? Couldn't break it.
So the sad greys have been introduced above.
Regrets top my chart of "What's on my mind?"
I regret being a little too curious. I regret being too sensitive. I regret being there for everyone. And finally I regret posting the last post which persuades me to be optimistic always. Well I still am optimistic. Just that the level of optimism...er..kinda fell down.
Why do things come up so unexpectedly?
Why am I not able to live myself, and choosing what I want..instead of letting people make all the decisions for me?
Well...Tomorrow is the big day. My friend, actually challenged me! O.k I never knew the actual motive behind this but...it is a tough one.
He asked me to behave real good tomorrow and the day after. Instead of me, going and giving a "Wassup?" I'll shut so that I can maintain 2 days of peace for all those people I've troubled till today!;-)
I'll not even voice my opinions if I have any. I'll be the goody girl of the class and will not speak more than what I've got to answer. Wait a minute!!
Wasn't I the one yelling just a few lines ago.."I wanna live my way??"
This challenge...err..wonder why he gave it..but somewhere my mind pokes me and tells me this could be the solution for the CHANGE IN MY BEHAVIOR people expect from me.
Now..this is controversial again..why am I living for others??
Seriously...so many questions popping now..*bangs her head to the monitor* * thanks God cause the monitor's glass didn't crack*...why didn't these questions come when I gave that over confident YES for the challenge?? Sigh!
Anyway..let's end the blues here...anger..well errm...is included along with the regret blues.
Guilt pangs were the most powerful today. Imagine yourself being very sure about a BIG decision you took in your life and someone from no-where makes your believe you committed the worst mistake in your life! Well...Anadit I remember your question..." I thought you aren't influenced by people??"
I still am not. And will never be. At that moment, I felt sick. Sick because I was suppressing my own feeling and growing a feeling planted by some other person! Sick because I let the other person dominate my decisions instead of choosing one myself.
Well anyway...I'd like to leave it and go with whatever life gives me. If It was a wrong decision..then I'd bow and thank God for making me realize what I've done. And If my decision is right, the Whoooooopiiie!
Life's pretty colorful.( You should be knowing it by now!)
These are the colors dominating my life...yes they make it colorful but wish the happy shades dominated it. Well I wouldn't wanna be selfish..a little other shades..too will be fine..but in little proportions.
And yes, I don't want myself to be the only person happy forever...C'mon how selfish can one get?
I'd like to see people happy around me, making each other happy, radiating happiness....happiness which will involve a sense of importance...to every individual....a sense of togetherness....a sense of belonging....something irreplaceable....*sigh*...the life of my dreams!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Realize the value of your smile!
Seriously..a smile could soften the hard heart of any psycho...(exceptions are present!)...but isn't it strange? A smile can break the ice and you never know..! One of my friends in the class has a smart smile…the moment he smiles the whole lot around him breaks into big wide smiles...and seeing him all of us start smiling for no reason! 
Do not smile because you should be smiling at that moment, smile because you love the situation…!
A smile can lessen your enemies too...(exceptions present here!)
(yes it works well on back biters too!)
(yes most of them shut up when you smile at them!)
(yes I know you are going to try on them!)
( yes you'll succeed!)
Most importantly, Smile in situations where you cannot smile...that will ease your worries and you will think clearly..:-P works quite well with me..though!
Love and peace.Thursday, July 17, 2008
Bond making or bond breaking?
Cool it! Organic chemistry has been giving me nightmares of late...benzene, resonating structures, reaction mechanism, (am I mentioning the easy stuff?) that's it! Chemistry could be a pain in the neck as well as "The best subject!" sometimes.
Anyway, posting about chemistry is not my topic today..(don't worry I won't bore you guys by typing chemical reactions and methods of preparations of alcohols and blah blah.) I wanted to post a real different post today.
Here is something I'd love to share with you guys....
The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.
It had been a year since Susan, thirty-four, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity.
Once a fiercely independent woman, Susan now felt condemned by this terrible twist of fate to become a powerless, helpless burden on everyone around her. "How could this have happened to me?" she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth - her sight was never going to return.
A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion. And all she had to cling to was her husband Mark.
Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all of his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again. Mark's military background had trained him well to deal with sensitive situations, and yet he knew this was the most difficult battle he would ever face.
Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task.
Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?
Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me." Mark's heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it.
And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat.
He made her laugh, even on those not-so-good days when she would trip exiting the bus, or drop her briefcase. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.
Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. He believed in her, in the Susan he used to know before she'd lost her sight, who wasn't afraid of any challenge and who would never, ever quit.
Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own.
Monday morning arrived, and before she left she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday ... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself!
On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you."
Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year?
Curious, she asked the driver, "Why do you say that you envy me?" The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are."
Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and asked again, "What do you mean?"
The driver answered, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."
Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't physically see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love and faith that can bring light where there had been darkness.
Doesn't this story strike something in you?
Well totally, especially for a person like me..it's one of the best I ever came across.
All these days..All I did was curse myself for being the person everyone hated.
I never gave a chance to clear it up either....
A few lines from a friend of yours changes your thinking isn't it?
A friend of mine quoted this when I said I didn't understand myself and I never liked myself either, "When someone doesn't love him/her self, it is only because of 2 reasons..either they do not live like themselves!Or they do not love what they are doing!"
Let's forget about me here...I haven't even given a damn to people with much greater problems than mine...people do not have basic needs...they do not get food to eat everyday...they are abused physically and mentally...they are exploited horribly...Why?
Comparing my weaknesses and my emotional conflicts with these problems is like comparing a small stone in space to the big comet..Isn't it?
So here I realize..I've woken up after a great time...sometimes even though you are perfect your are blind and sometimes when you are blind you are still one or the other way perfect!
My problem is to be dealt with great patience and lots of hardwork..sulking won't help me..I realized it.
All I've got to do now is Love myself first! Thank God this is cured! And yeah! For all those who are really unhappy with themselves, or with anything in life...just close your eyes and think if it's much more serious than going to bed starving badly and when food is given..stare at it for some time and die even before eating it? Or is it as serious as being on the war for days together without food or water and still keep fighting for the country even if you know you might not see your family again?
Doesn't that give you a chill in the spine? It gave me so many chills that I opened my eyes and killed the things blinding me...
I hope I'll never lose my belief and faith I have now and I desperately hope for a change in my behavior. Thanks to the wonderful people in my life! Thank you for tolerating me and dealing with me and thank you Dhaval...for being frank and helping me realize I shouldn't give a damn about what people think about me.
And finally thank you all back-biters for back-biting and talking ill behind my back..cause if you people didn't then I wouldn't know what's like facing the other ugly part of me...and I wouldn't clear my weaknesses without you guys. Of course, how would you appreciate light without facing the darkness?
Thanks a lot!
love and peace!
Anyway, posting about chemistry is not my topic today..(don't worry I won't bore you guys by typing chemical reactions and methods of preparations of alcohols and blah blah.) I wanted to post a real different post today.
Here is something I'd love to share with you guys....
The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he'd told her was empty. Then she's settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.
It had been a year since Susan, thirty-four, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity.
Once a fiercely independent woman, Susan now felt condemned by this terrible twist of fate to become a powerless, helpless burden on everyone around her. "How could this have happened to me?" she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted or prayed, she knew the painful truth - her sight was never going to return.
A cloud of depression hung over Susan's once optimistic spirit. Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion. And all she had to cling to was her husband Mark.
Mark was an Air Force officer and he loved Susan with all of his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again. Mark's military background had trained him well to deal with sensitive situations, and yet he knew this was the most difficult battle he would ever face.
Finally, Susan felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Mark volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city. At first, this comforted Susan and fulfilled Mark's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task.
Soon, however Mark realized that this arrangement wasn't working - it was hectic, and costly. Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?
Just as Mark predicted, Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I'm blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I'm going? I feel like you're abandoning me." Mark's heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it.
And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Mark, military uniform and all, accompanied Susan to and from work each day. He taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment. He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her, and save her a seat.
He made her laugh, even on those not-so-good days when she would trip exiting the bus, or drop her briefcase. Each morning they made the journey together, and Mark would take a cab back to his office.
Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Mark knew it was only a matter of time before Susan would be able to ride the bus on her own. He believed in her, in the Susan he used to know before she'd lost her sight, who wasn't afraid of any challenge and who would never, ever quit.
Finally, Susan decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own.
Monday morning arrived, and before she left she threw her arms around Mark, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. She said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday ... Each day on her own went perfectly, and Susan had never felt better. She was doing it! She was going to work all by herself!
On Friday morning, Susan took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Boy, I sure envy you."
Susan wasn't sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year?
Curious, she asked the driver, "Why do you say that you envy me?" The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are."
Susan had no idea what the driver was talking about, and asked again, "What do you mean?"
The driver answered, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky lady."
Tears of happiness poured down Susan's cheeks. For although she couldn't physically see him, she had always felt Mark's presence. She was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she didn't need to see to believe - the gift of love and faith that can bring light where there had been darkness.
Doesn't this story strike something in you?
Well totally, especially for a person like me..it's one of the best I ever came across.
All these days..All I did was curse myself for being the person everyone hated.
I never gave a chance to clear it up either....
A few lines from a friend of yours changes your thinking isn't it?
A friend of mine quoted this when I said I didn't understand myself and I never liked myself either, "When someone doesn't love him/her self, it is only because of 2 reasons..either they do not live like themselves!Or they do not love what they are doing!"
Let's forget about me here...I haven't even given a damn to people with much greater problems than mine...people do not have basic needs...they do not get food to eat everyday...they are abused physically and mentally...they are exploited horribly...Why?
Comparing my weaknesses and my emotional conflicts with these problems is like comparing a small stone in space to the big comet..Isn't it?
So here I realize..I've woken up after a great time...sometimes even though you are perfect your are blind and sometimes when you are blind you are still one or the other way perfect!
My problem is to be dealt with great patience and lots of hardwork..sulking won't help me..I realized it.
All I've got to do now is Love myself first! Thank God this is cured! And yeah! For all those who are really unhappy with themselves, or with anything in life...just close your eyes and think if it's much more serious than going to bed starving badly and when food is given..stare at it for some time and die even before eating it? Or is it as serious as being on the war for days together without food or water and still keep fighting for the country even if you know you might not see your family again?
Doesn't that give you a chill in the spine? It gave me so many chills that I opened my eyes and killed the things blinding me...
I hope I'll never lose my belief and faith I have now and I desperately hope for a change in my behavior. Thanks to the wonderful people in my life! Thank you for tolerating me and dealing with me and thank you Dhaval...for being frank and helping me realize I shouldn't give a damn about what people think about me.
And finally thank you all back-biters for back-biting and talking ill behind my back..cause if you people didn't then I wouldn't know what's like facing the other ugly part of me...and I wouldn't clear my weaknesses without you guys. Of course, how would you appreciate light without facing the darkness?
Thanks a lot!
love and peace!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating....?
*What a song!*
Hello dearie blog! (Am I acting strange?) Well I should be acting strange obviously. With the twists and turn in my life...how do you expect me to behave? huh?
Could you ever listen....could you ever dare to speak your mind? only for a minute only one moment..anytime?
Of late I've become an hyper-depressed insomaniac...Can't sleep at night..can't take things easily..can't do anything else except think people all around me are waiting to ditch me anytime, break my trust and leave me alone.
Why the hell am I bothered anyway?
Cut my life into pieces...this is my last resort!
Lolz...if only you would be in my place you'd know.. anyway...it's like how a spider knows its web.
err..that was weird. :|
Anyway..like I was saying..well ditching, bitching, Attitude, and blah blah blah...you think I have time for all these? Well apparently I AM MAKING TIME FOR THESE!
I've become so numb!
Life's become much normal..I mean just a few days ago, I never even felt I had the other side of me..which could just stop talking, and could ignore people with great ease..and also work a little extra to improve grades.
Wow...I know but it's a shock for me too...till yesterday I thought I couldn't stop yapping and ignore people..and yes! Linking park is THE MOST CRAZIEST FREAKING BAND I EVER CAME ACROSS! I LOVE IT! Err...yes I did hate a particular guy when he told me he was Lp's biggest fan or whatever..but ..*sigh* I wish I believed him! lolzz..;-)
Anyway, I made some real nice friends when I came to the new class..err..but well umm..I wish I was not a confused kid..I hate that feeling!
And well now am considering to ...err..well do you think it's worth going back? That's one thought haunting me..umm you wouldn't know what am mumbling..!
But anyway..the gang kinda welcomed me back..:P ...and they seem to think am doing the right thing..thnx to you guys..even after I thought my best pals would not be with me..you guys still never made me feel alone..and..ahh.. :-) thanx a lot!
Well I always observed this! Just before I start writing my post..I am a real angry and frustrated soul..but..now? lol I love this seriously! All the negative feelings are no more there..! I seriously should thank Dad for asking me to start blogging! Thanks a loooooot dad!
Anyway..I'll get a hell lot of shouting if I don't go and start studying now..err..I have to anyway!
Good day!
Hello dearie blog! (Am I acting strange?) Well I should be acting strange obviously. With the twists and turn in my life...how do you expect me to behave? huh?
Could you ever listen....could you ever dare to speak your mind? only for a minute only one moment..anytime?
Of late I've become an hyper-depressed insomaniac...Can't sleep at night..can't take things easily..can't do anything else except think people all around me are waiting to ditch me anytime, break my trust and leave me alone.
Why the hell am I bothered anyway?
Cut my life into pieces...this is my last resort!
Lolz...if only you would be in my place you'd know.. anyway...it's like how a spider knows its web.
err..that was weird. :|
Anyway..like I was saying..well ditching, bitching, Attitude, and blah blah blah...you think I have time for all these? Well apparently I AM MAKING TIME FOR THESE!
I've become so numb!
Life's become much normal..I mean just a few days ago, I never even felt I had the other side of me..which could just stop talking, and could ignore people with great ease..and also work a little extra to improve grades.
Wow...I know but it's a shock for me too...till yesterday I thought I couldn't stop yapping and ignore people..and yes! Linking park is THE MOST CRAZIEST FREAKING BAND I EVER CAME ACROSS! I LOVE IT! Err...yes I did hate a particular guy when he told me he was Lp's biggest fan or whatever..but ..*sigh* I wish I believed him! lolzz..;-)
Anyway, I made some real nice friends when I came to the new class..err..but well umm..I wish I was not a confused kid..I hate that feeling!
And well now am considering to ...err..well do you think it's worth going back? That's one thought haunting me..umm you wouldn't know what am mumbling..!
But anyway..the gang kinda welcomed me back..:P ...and they seem to think am doing the right thing..thnx to you guys..even after I thought my best pals would not be with me..you guys still never made me feel alone..and..ahh.. :-) thanx a lot!
Well I always observed this! Just before I start writing my post..I am a real angry and frustrated soul..but..now? lol I love this seriously! All the negative feelings are no more there..! I seriously should thank Dad for asking me to start blogging! Thanks a loooooot dad!
Anyway..I'll get a hell lot of shouting if I don't go and start studying now..err..I have to anyway!
Good day!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
NO Pessimism day!
(the above pic..is my fav. artist's pic)o.k the world may not be aware of it..but today is celebrated as the NO PESSIMISM day err isn't that Optimistic? ;-)... Yes, I stood on it. Instead of making this a normal boringMY LIFE IS SOO EXCITING or..MY LIFE IS BUGGING post..I thought I'd make it a little different. So..go ahead..Oh yeah! Happy No pessimism day! :-)
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