October 12th, 2010.

Is this like for real? I’m freaking out. But then, I’m not sure how to react to this one. Unbelievable. :]

Maybe it’s just something that I’ll laugh about later?

What about the blue eyed boy? :P

How life plays with me!

“You know how easy these mid-terms are compared to the examinations life is going to put you through? It’s true. College will conduct an exam after teaching you the subject. Life puts you through an exam first and then it teaches you lessons”. – Dad.

I’m sorry. Off late, I realized that I have become too random. It’s actually a good thing. I am not talking about something too direct to give the reader a very clear image of what’s happening. It’s random. It’s perfect. Those who need to understand will be just fine.

Whatever happened to those days when people smiled from their hearts and shook hands that didn’t explore the other’s back pockets?

Oh.

A couple of days ago, under the building where I stay, a dog gave birth to puppies. They were adorable. Okay which new born thing isn’t?

I couldn’t however, click their pictures cause I had to give the camera back to the person I took it from. And days passed that way, waking up and looking at the pups sucking milk and sleep all day. They didn’t even open their tiny eyes! And a couple of days later, they opened their eyes. Began to walk around. Play with one another.

However, the mother of these pups, I noticed, was always sitting in a corner. Sleeping all day. Maybe it’s a post-delivery thing? I don’t know.

The father played with the pups. And one day, there was a girl who wanted to take a pup home. She carefully picked a pup and turned her back, when the father barked and almost tore her dress down. She screamed. She ran away throwing the pup down. The pup was taken back into the litter. And the very next day when I woke up, I saw no puppies. All I saw was the mother Dog, in the corner, looking extremely sad. The father Dog wasn’t around. It wasn’t hard to guess that the puppies were taken away. Believe me, the mother Dog is still sitting on the stairs, looking depressed like never before. And every night, I hear dogs barking somewhere far away and the father Dog trying to, erm, reply maybe?

The separation from its’ mother is heart breaking. Every night when I talk to Sai, the father Dog keeps barking. And a couple of other dogs bark back. I wish I could understand what they’re saying. What happened to those puppies?

Okay. I look at it this way.

61-63 days, the dog remains pregnant. It gives birth. It’s an amazing feeling for the Dog. The puppies are growing. And one day, they’re snatched away from her.

Imagine if something like that happened with us?

9 months. Mother gives birth. Plays with the child. Looks at the child growing. And one day, the child is taken away from her. Anybody with a heart and a brain, who has been blessed with emotions by God, will easily slip into major depression.

What could be done?

And as I type this, the father Dog keeps barking. Hoping to find his pups the next day. And I can hear a couple of barks from somewhere not close to my place.

Is it the hope that keeps them going? Will they move on like us? What are they going to do now?

I’m glad I shared it here. It has been troubling me since the day the pups were taken away.

What has man learnt all these years? To live for himself? Sorry. We don’t own this place. We don’t have a freaking right to act like royal heirs of this planet. We cannot, CANNOT control this planet. And we still do it. Why? We have something that other animals/things don’t (probably), It’s the ego. It’s the freedom that has been given to us, that we misuse. And you thought it was the brain? Sorry. Dolphins are blessed with a good brain too. They’re one of the smartest things on earth. Why haven’t they acted like us?

Ego, my dear people.

I seriously don’t know how to end this. It kills me, when I realize that whatever I do, to save this planet, isn’t going to be enough. It needs effort. From millions of people who eat, sleep and work throughout the world.

I want to live here. I want my children and their children and their children and so on and so forth, to live here. To experience what we’ve experienced. To know how it feels living in between creatures other than the ones that walk with two legs and ride in 2/4/8/ god knows how many wheels vehicles and stomp their own species to achieve something bigger in life.

And I’m not sure how this is going to be possible.

See? The Dog's still barking.

Know what I mean?

 

Love.

......

I know what I want.
A change. I am super mean. And ruthless.
Even if it's going to make my friends (the so called ones) hate me.
The real ones will not give a damn.

Strong.

Good for me.

hey look. I'm done. Thanks. :)

HAHA. You're the loser. :)

:)

Why is everyone turning into jackasses?

Hi there. I'm Snigdha. AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE YOUR BULL CRAP. :)

Love,
Snigdha.

Hello jackass!

Yes, you. How have you been? All good eh? I know. Why won't you be all happy and all?
I feel super bad for you. Imagine, you actually derive happiness from others' sorrows. Like how jobless can you get?
Reading my blog everyday? Good for you. You are making an effort to get to know me better. Why else would you dare to read what I blog? And on top of that, you try to hide your identity.
Who's the loser really?
And you think those lame ass comments will make me go crazy? Sure. I'd pretend if that makes you happy. Hey! Look, you have a less sadistic reason to be happy.

Apart from this jackass who has been trying to hide his identity and read my blog (I wonder why he/she does that, honestly.) life is going pretty smooth.
Unpredictable too. Find happiness in little things. Yeah, I'm trying I'm trying.
Last night I managed to pull an all nighter. Honestly, it was too much fun. I never ever had so much fun alone. Every now and then, I got up danced around and sang.
That I had to do to stay away from sleep. Good music, good mood and work. Sometimes, it's fun. :)

My life is a little crayon box. :)

Love.

Jackass O jackass, are you sad? Aww.
Why don't you go get a life instead?

Note to self.

o Accept stuff.

o Don't crib. How does it matter really?

o This or that?

o Don't take hasty decisions. Don't push people away when they're being very nice.

o There are somethings you don't have to tell somebody very very close to you. Take those secrets to your grave if you must.

o If you like something, say it.

o Don't panic.

o Don't trust people too easily.

o No dilemmas from now on. It's either this or that.

o Let go. Just 2 months more. :) You'll get out of this semester.

o Don't be moody.

o Sudeep isn't going to fail you. C'mon! You never flunked in an exam till now. Why would you fail in that subject? You're good alright?

o Don't stuff your new clothes. Wear them. :) What's wrong?

o I wonder why I'm so bothered about what people think of me?

o I miss the 'boyfriend' Sai like crazy. The 'friend' Sai is well, okay. Nevermind.

o I don't trust myself.


:)

Yay!

I feel good. Little things do irritate me but yeah who cares? :)
Expectations are increasing. Why do I expect everything to be perfect? Hasn't the world taught us that nothing's perfect? But then, I want everything to be perfect.
Perfect mornings, perfect breakfast, perfect classes, perfect people, perfect guy, perfect moments, perfect thoughts, etc.

I'm obsessed. Yeah? Cool with me. :)

That's all for now.

Love.

What is this?

Sometimes all I feel like doing is, SCREAM. Scream at the person who spoils my freaking mood. Wasn't today's morning so awesome? Bah.
I hate this.

Reason 1: I'm angry. Why? My attitude.
Reason 2: You. Why the hell can't you stop being a wuss?
Reason 3: I don't know what I wanna do next.

I don't know why I end up cursing so much. I'm a very happy person outside. This is where all my negative feelings rush out. I think it is good in a way.

Exams from Wednesday. Finish your freaking assignments first. Stop depending on people to push you.

I'm sleepy. I wanna do well. Really.

Peace.

Outbursts

I'm tired of asking 'how?'. I wanna ask 'why?' every time they teach me something here.
From when have I started having headaches?
Now. 4 and a half hours and still going strong. Wow.

I wanna do so many things. Many as in TOO many.
On top of that, Mom thinks I pretend to be happy. What's wrong with people? I'm happy. It's okay. Stop worrying too much about me. I'm fed up.

I don't want to do this.

My head is going to split into two pieces. This is one of the killer headaches Sai keeps having I guess?

Never mind.

Love.

Stunned.

I really don't know what to say. Why don't things always turn out to be the way I want?

Awesome. I guess I asked for it then?

Let's see.

Hunny bunny feelings!

And here I am! Back to my normal life. The same hostel room (with a new bed btw), the same insane college, the same classmates, the same old last bench and the same old laptop. My senior citizen laptop. What would I do without you baby? :\

So. Yeah. Too many things on my mind. :P Happy stuff obviously.
I can't hold this anymore. Sai, you have no idea how freaking happy I am. Like NO idea. Yeah, I know. It is perfectly fine if you freak out. Cause seriously, I never knew how it would be if the guy you're crazy about sends you a BIG something all the way from sand land. :)

You made my day. Thank you so so much. What more can I ask for?
I wanna write so much. But you know what? Somethings in life are best kept as secrets.

My laptop sucks. I need to clean my room. Saiganu, you're awesome.

Snigdha, stop being so dramatic and random.


Love.

This is 1.

I seriously want you to pack your bags and catch a train to nowhere. Anywhere but here. Please? I can't freaking take this anymore. Just vanish. Go away. Don't try to creep me out with your scary stuff.
No, I was weak. I'm not anymore. Just go.
Please. I have a life. LET ME LIVE IT MY WAY. I'm happy. Just go away.

In my heaaad.

Remember Tapan bhaiyya told you about the balance one should maintain in life? And remember he also told you how life will throw you into situations where you will never be able to decide what you want?

All bullshit! Life will put you into situations like that to go through such bullshit and what do you do after getting out of it?
Okay okay. Wait. Before I write the actual stuff, I should talk about something happy.
I will tell you guys now okay? Yeah. I have a boyfriend. Tall, handsome and smart.
2 and a half years ago, I met him at an Ashram. I know. Wrong place. But ah, who cares?
He's back to India and I spent one and a half awesome freaking days with him at Vizag. The beach, the ice cream, the sheesha and the hugs.
And before I knew what was happening I was back to Hyd on the 9th morning. Yep, he's awesome. Now I can't stop talking to him. :)

I watched "3 idiots" and I get the point.

I think Shrujan, Aarthi, Amal, Rahul, Jhanvi and Malvika think I'm good for nothing. And that's one reason why I'm not really hanging out with them much. Another reason, they're being too protective. I dunno if that's good or bad. Cause when Nikhil was too protective, I felt suffocated. But hey! The others are you best friends. Let's see.

Tejas is a bit too busy to talk nowadays. He needs his space, I know. Okay. I'm not cribbing. Its just that.. never mind. Meanwhile, Pranay anna is ever ready to kick me and get me talking. I love you anna!

I'm shopping a bit too much nowadays. But hey! Atleast I'm showing some interest in myself.

What's hard? To digest the fact that people around you are waaaaaayyy better than you. Imagine getting grades like C- and C in your report card? Omg! If I was still in school, I'd stop playing tennis for a whole month and sit and get better.
But here? I freaking don't understand what color looks good with chrome yellow or which stitch is used where? I mean, wtf! I never held a needle for more than 10 minutes before. And now they expect me to stitch stuff and all. What about those weird exercises the Elements of design professor gives you? They're fun alright. But where are the freaking marks going?
Whatever I do, all I get is "No. There's something missing. I don't get what you want to express". If you freaking can't understand any of my work, why the hell are you expecting me to make something you'll understand?
People here have trained their minds to accept and love art and craft. What was I doing? Dreaming about calculus and organic chemistry. What now? Sit and try hard.

Wondering why I'm talking about this all of a sudden? Ah. My first semester's marks are out. I am hanging my head in shame. C- ? WHAT THE HELL!
And Daddy says " You passed, didn't you? Excel in your work. Marks will follow. Why did you watch 3 idiots anyway?". VERY nice. You have no idea what it feels like to get out of one semester with C-. You were a freaking topper since your birth!
And what's funny? The subjects I love are the non-core subjects. And here I am, doing awesome in my non-core subjects.

What is bothering me?
The feeling that people will consider me as a good for nothing kid. Its not that I expected myself to top my class, but hey! C-? Thu!

You know what? I'll do well this time. No matter what I have to give up, I'll do well this time. Maybe I've been to lazy to focus. But that's not me. I am not one of those dumb blondes.

Okay. Now I know what's it to be like the kid who neglects her studies. But, I prefer getting back to the old me, the one who gave a damn about her marks.
C- eh? Wait.

Oh. Happy(?)new year btw.

2010 no. Make it a lot more fun than 2009.

And when I cried cause I got such shitty marks, I wanted a huge bear hug. I'm going to hug the next person I see on my way to the canteen.


Till then, survive.

Snigdha